Being Part of a Group
Being part of a group is a crucial
element of life in society. When part of a group, three or more individuals
work together towards the achievement of a common purpose (West & Turner,
2004). This paper will answer questions regarding the participation of the
author in a group that has been very important in her life: a large group of
mothers who had babies in June of 2011. This group has helped the author
overcome many challenges that accompany motherhood, and the friendships created
within the group will hopefully last a lifetime.
Brief Description of the Group
When
the author got pregnant with her first daughter, she joined an online Facebook
group called June 2011 Babies. The premise of the group, like the name
suggests, is to unite women who would be having babies at the same time. Since
the babies would be going through milestones together and developing at a
similar pace, the main purpose of the group was to create a safe environment
for women to share experiences, doubts, and fears. At first the group had
around 100 members, but almost 4 years after its creation, it now has around 20
members.
Behaviors of the Group through
Development
At the beginning the group was
formed in a very casual way. The famous book “What to Expect when you are
Expecting”, written by Sharon Mazel and Heidi Murkoff in 1984, has a website
that allows members to communicate in a forum, separated by month and year of
birth. Many women who are now in the Facebook group, met at that forum and
decided to migrate to Facebook, where communication would be easier. The forum
wasn’t very organized, and Facebook allows members to create groups where
discussions can occur efficiently and privately. Because the Facebook group
never has an official beginning (members were still joining a year after its
creation), the beginning stage was formed primarily by introductions and
questions about pregnancy, since none of the babies were born yet. As women became
familiar and comfortable with each other, they began talking about their
private lives, husbands, jobs, etc. Although nowadays the main purpose of the
group is to talk about children, that is not always the case. Women became
friends, many have met in real life, and they talk about everything, sharing
positive and negative experiences they go through.
Problems Encountered by the Group
and How They Were Solved
According
to Beebe, Beebe, and Ivy, “In a larger group, it can become
difficult for all members to participate, and a few members often will
monopolize the discussion” (2013, p. 219). Although this can still be the case
sometimes in smaller groups, overall most members of the group do participate
in the discussions.
When
20 women come together, discussions sometimes can get heated. Although most
women try to remains respectful, a lot of times discussions get out of hand.
Not only there are several different parenting styles, the women have different
political, religious, and general views. Although we try to not talk about vey
polemic subjects, that does happen sometimes. Two solutions were created to
avoid conflict. First, a Hot Topic separate group was created, but still only
for members of the original group. When someone wants to bring up a topic that
may cause a heated discussion, they bring it up in that separate group. This
way, the main group remains friendly and neutral. The other solution was to
create a safe word. When a discussion in the main group gets heated and people
begin to get offended, anyone can say the safe word and the topic immediately
gets closed to discussion. When that happens, members can either move to the
Hot Topics discussion board or they can let it go. Both solutions have proven
to be very effective.
Influence of Leadership on the
Problem-solving Process within the Group
Although the group does not have a
specific leader, there are two administrators. The administrators’ job is to
ensure everyone is complying with the group’s code of ethics. There have been
situations in which the administrators had to expel individuals from the group
for being rude and disrespectful. It was the administrators’ idea to create
both the safe word and the separate Hot Topics group. They always encourage a
free discussion, since women are there to support one another. However, they do
not tolerate disrespectful and offensive posts. A few months ago there was a
huge fight involving many members, and it was around that time that the group
went from 100 members to 20. At that time, the administrators talked privately
with the members causing confusion and asked them to apologize and refrain from
offending anyone. When they offending members did not comply with the
administrators’ request, they were expelled. Nowadays the group is much more
peaceful and organized than it used to be.
The Effectiveness of the Group
This
group has most definitely served its purpose of being a support system – and it
still does. When the author got pregnant, she was young and scarred. Being the
youngest child herself, she has never been around babies, and was terrified she
would not be a good mother. This support group has helped tremendously in
building her self-confidence not only as a parent but also as a human being.
Sometime weeks go by without women even talking about their babies. They became
real friends and talk every day about all aspects of their lives, even though
the women come from completely different cultures and backgrounds. Even though
all women have different points of view, and that enough could be the source of
many conflicts, that diversity allows for realistic and effective discussions,
where women are “forced” to open their minds to different perspectives.
The Importance of Communication and
Technology
Because this is an internet group,
technology has obviously been crucial for its formation and maintenance. One
disadvantage of this technological characteristic is that it is usually easy
for individuals to hide behind their screen and express their thoughts in a way
they normally wouldn’t if they were talking to someone face-to-face. This is a
disadvantage because it allows women to be disrespectful and intolerant.
However, at the same time it is also an advantage because it allows the members
of the group to talk about their feelings, fears, and experiences without being
judged. As long as it occurs in a respectful manner, technology allows for
communication within the group to occur 24 hours a day, seven days a week,
uninterruptedly. Women in the group come from many different states (including
Hawaii and Alaska). Some are from Australia, others from England. Backgrounds
and cultural environments are completely different, but it’s safe to say that
after almost five years the group is closer than ever.
The Importance of Goals and
Diversity in the Effectiveness of the Group
At the moment of its creating, the group had one single
purpose: to allow women to have a safe environment to talk about their
pregnancy, and consequently, their children. Although that is still the main
goal of the group, it has grown to something much bigger. Many of the members
have actually met in real life and build friendships that will last a lifetime.
Not only the mothers are friends, but the children are too. Whenever and
wherever possible, the children have constant playdates. Women plan their
vacations to places where they will be able to meet with other members of the
group. The author has no idea how she could have raised her daughter without
the support of these women, so the group is definitely effective. Nowadays, the
goals of the group have changed slightly from what they were almost five years
ago. Aside from helping each other to raise their children (after all, it does
take a village), the members of the group have helped each other through
divorces, deaths, family issues, and other problems. The goal now is to be
present in each other’s lives in all aspects, not only motherhood.
Conclusion
Being a part of this group has been priceless to the
author. Although many group eventually come to an end, the author hopes this
one will last a long time. The women experienced together the joys and fears of
birth, birthdays, and most recently, sending the kids to pre-school. Hopefully
they will still be together to see the children go to high school and college
as well.
References
S. A. Beebe, S. J. Beebe,
and D. K. Ivy. (2013). Communication
Principles for a Lifetime. Fifth Edition. Published by Pearson.
West, R. & Turner, L.
(2004). Introducing communication theory:
Analysis and application. Boston, MA: McGraw-Hill.
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